.....Wakarimasen?

...better hero than dead .. rite?

2006-01-11T19:15:00.000-05:00

I know I'm always lookin for an adventure or something outta the ordinary to happen to sort of brighten up my day ... but yea .. God, apparently, took that to another level ...

Today ... SHOULD HAVE BEEN a normal day at work .. but no ... (i'll cut to the chase) ... So i'm helping this guy out with lottery .. gettin his tickets & shit .. & suddenly i see a sharp glare from the corner of my eye .. towards the right ... i turn to see the trash bag .. spittin out flames .. as high as the ceiling ... (which is 12-13 ft. mind you) ... so well .. i freak out cuz the trash bag was pretty much a foot away from me .. so i ask the guy infront of me .. to call 911 .. while i look for a fire extinguisher .. but apparently when you're freakin out like that .. ur senses dont work well & it was hidden behind like a display of sun glasses .. so i run back & get a bucket of water .. & kept spilling it on the fire .. back & forth .. back & forth ... the guy came back in to tell me that the fire dept. was on its way .. i'm thinking .. NO SHIT!! ..lol.. anyway ... so the guy came back inside .. told me to come outside .. cuz the fumes from burning plastic are insanely toxic .. i was like i'll be rite out .. but then the stupid hero side in me was like .. fuck no .. you're not gonna let this place burn to hell .. so i figured .. yea .. worse comes to worst .. i'll break the window & jump outside .. so i start pulling shit outta the fire .. yes ..lol.. i reached into the fire .. for small instants tho .. pulled cartons of ciggys out .. bit by bit ... (my hand still burns like crazy but no visible damage) .. once i'd pulled the electrical wires, from near the fire, and cartons outta teh fire .. i figured it was abt time i'd do somethn abt the fire ..lol... so i kept using baskets ... two of em .. i'd spill one on top of the fire .. while the other one refilled .. during it all .. i inhaled some really nasty fumes .. plastic ... toxic ... could feel my vision blackening out & almost collapsed ontop of the fire .. that would NOT have been pretty .. AT ALL!! ..finally the flames came down a little & i did the stupidest move .. i decided to stomp on it ..lol ... the end of my pants caught on fire .. & i literally said .. "OH YOU MUST BE FUCKING SHITTING ME" ... lol ...so i poured water on the pants .. not much happened to the leg .. a bit burnt .. once again .. no visible damage .. just alotta burning ... (the hands feel worse .. i've atta (flour) on my hand rite now =D ) ... so i pretty much .. successfully .. put out the fire .. in time ... then the fire trucks show up .. they see me all fucked up .. they keep yelling out .. ARE U OKAY .. CAN U BREATH!!! .. DO U WANT AN OXYGEN MASK .. i was fine .. i could breath .. not well .. but i could .. so i said naa .. i'm okay .. they took my statement .. took pictures of the wreck ... the plastic fucked everything up ... inside the trash that is .. they kept asking what happened .. i told them the whole thing ... they're like .. most of the time .. its a cigarette butt in the trash .. but i told em .. no one was allowed to smoke in the store ... so the fire marshall arrives & starts digging around .. he didnt find anything .. they were confused .. it was NOT due to an electrical spark ... there was NOTHING that coulda burnt the trash .. in the trash .. no remains or ANYTHING .. so as far as they now by now .. its either i caused the fire .. which is stupid .. cuz i was NEXT to it ..lol. & i put it out .. (the guy who was there .. left his card so they can contact him ) .. the other possibility was spontaneous combustion .. which is fucking disturbing & scary ... & its more likely to be that .. cuz the flames shot up to the ceiling .. in an instant .. had it been a ciggy butt .. i coulda smelled the burning plastic .. or the flames coulda started from lower & gradually increased ... the flame shot as if someone fucking threw a can of lighter fluid or gasoline in it ... ANYWAY ... the day ended .. the fire ppl left ... the store owner came ... took over ... i left to come back home .. my parents freaked out .. now the store owner (family friend) .. is over for dinner ..lol.. no insurance claims or anything .. cuz i pretty much saved everything from gettin damaged ..except the trash ....

better hero than being burned alive .. rite?

Set this place on fire
Watch the flames rise higher
And as they reach the ceiling
At your feet I'm kneeling
                                                -Mad at Gravity - Burn

too much negativity ... why ?

2006-01-08T22:15:00.000-05:00

Lately i've been doin the blogger thing ... & i've been like followin links to other people's blogs ... & i've been finding one thing in common in most, if not all, of them ... They're all full of people writing about how their life sucks ... how horrible the world is ... how horrible people are ... how they'd wish this would all go away ...

Considering the fact that most of the bloggers out there are young kids .. teenagers ... why is there so much negativity? Isn't that the time you're supposed to enjoy life? I'm not saying its not right ... To most of us .. blogging is like a diary .. to let the raw emotions out .. the feelings and all ... but why are hate & anger & regret & despair, the only feelings & emotions out there/here? Ofcourse, I cant judge anyone because I have absolutely no idea what they are going through ... but how come they cant seem to find that silver lining? .. i know it exists ... have they given up ?? or do they dont even start lookin for it, to begin with?? ... I do know that they realize that life would be so much more better if they did find that silver lining ... if they did get that epiphany that sort of clears everything up ... then why do they not get it ... It is totally upto them to find it ... I dont know ... maybe this whole thing is just a stupid thing that only i care about or have enough time to think about ...

I dont know ... just a little thing that has been on my mind for a bit now ....

".....falling is easy
its getting back up
that becomes the problem
becomes the problem
If you dont believe
you can find a way out
you've become the problem
become the problem."
-Staind - Falling

So don't sit back and watch the days go by
Are you ever gonna live before you die
And when things fall apart
The world has come undone
Leave it all behind
Leave the loneliness alone
You wait forever blind

So come on and leave the years
When you watched the days go by
Come on and leave the fears
That you were afraid to find
Cause while you wait inside
The days go by

So all the memories fade
And the days go by
Forget the lonely yesterdays in mind
I know it's never gonna be the way you like
I know you don't wanna think about the endlessness you find
You wait forever blind

So come on and leave the years
When you watched the days go by
Come on and leave the fears
That you were afraid to find
You're waiting for your time
Waiting for your time
All these days gone wrong
Who broke your fall
What a way to learn

So come on and leave the years
When you watched the days go by
Come on and leave the fears
That you were afraid to find
Time is passing by
Time is passing by

So come on and leave the years
When you watched the days go by
Come on and leave the fears
That you were afraid to find
Cause while you wait inside
The days go by

-Lifehouse - Days Go By

Is it just me....

2006-01-05T00:57:00.000-05:00

... or do some songs have the simplest but most deep concept behind em ...

i've been listening to "The nurse who loved me" alot lately for some reason ... the A Perfect Circle's cover of the original by Failure ... the concept of the song just amazes me .. how these song writers have the ability to put such twiste topics, so beautifully that you end up actually sympathizing & being moved by the whole thing .... is it just cuz we're just blinded by the fact that, ooh this band i love just came out with this song or is it cuz they REALLY have their way with words & melody??? ....

The song, as far as my interpretation of it goes, is about a mental patient at an asylum or a recovering patient in rehab, who is pretty much convinced that his nurse treats him differently & develops a psychological bond with her ... pretty much oblivious to the fact that in the circumstances he is and his fellow patients are in, the nurses treat everyone the same ... make everyone believe that they've found a special friend ....

..... at what point of the day were the songwriters, who wrote this, thinking abt this?? ... lol ... but whatever works ... here are the lyrics ...

Say hello to the rug's topography
It holds quite a lot of interest with your face down on it
Say hello to the shrinking in your head
You can't see it but you know its there so don't neglect it

I'm taking her home with me all dressed in white
She's got everything I need pharmacy keys
She's falling hard for me I can see it in her eyes
She acts just like a nurse with all the other guys

Say hello to all the apples on the ground
They were once in your eyes but you sneezed them out while sleeping
Say hello to everything you've left behind
It's even more a part of your life now that you can't touch it

I'm taking her home with me all dressed in white
She's got everything I need some pills and a little cup
She's falling hard for me I can see it in her eyes
She acts just like a nurse with all the other guys

She's got everything I need pharmacy keys
She acts just like a nurse with all the other guys

Say hello to the rug's topography

....optimistically helpless?

2006-01-02T04:05:00.000-05:00

its 4:06 am now .. & i'm still up ... have you ever cared about someone's interest & passion so much that you've wanted to see them succeed & get whatever they way & deserve .. more than yourself? ...

Have you seen that same person struggling with their circumstances ... and end up compromising their beliefs & passions for those close to them ... those who have no idea what the word 'passion' means ... those who have no idea how much they're asking of someone ... those who are still loved by the same person they're imprisoning? ...

Have you ever realized that you would do anything in your power to help that person get what they deserve? .. against all odds? ... Only to find out that you cannot do anything but watch them .. give it all away ... and for what? ... society? ...

i say fuck society that doesnt understand.

Good Night.

... here i am ... this is me ..

2006-01-02T02:42:00.000-05:00

My first post ...

its 2:44 am ... i'm in love with a Jackson PS4 ... Thats pretty much all i have to say for tonight ...

oh & thank you/curse you Sadaf for pushin me into doin this
& thank you Ahwar for the help !! ..